August 18, 2008

• Mondayne

  This will make a post streak of posting 8 days in a row.  It's like 2005 all over again.  Maybe the percolator in my skull is still popping after all.
  
  Work is steering itself towards the opposite of fun.  It's no good when the initial "new guy" immunity starts wearing off.  It's like going into the Hidden Temple without a pendant of life.  You just don't want to do it.
  
  
  
  It sucks because I'll have to work another 10 years at this company atleast before I reach a position high enough where I am worthy of a window office.  Don't get me wrong, the scenery around my cubicle is great.  I mean, who wouldn't want to look at walls and papers all day.
  
  I had this genius idea.  I should go to the doctor and be all like, "I'm depressed." and see if maybe the doctor will write me a prescription stating that I must get an office with a window at work.  You know, to help my depression.  Then work would have to give me a window office or else it's against the Dumbasses With Disabilities Act (DWDA). 
  
  And, the truth is, it would actually make me happier.  I mean, wall or this:
  
  
  
  Okay, maybe that's not the most picturesque view.  But it beats a wall for the next decade.  Plus, there are other vantage points available.
  
  I'm becoming a slave to the man.  I notice it when I have to quell my natural urges towards humor.  Like today, we got this e-mail advertising a seminar called "Caring For Your Aging Parents."  It came with this paragraph describing said program that was like:
  
  "Subject: Caring For Your Aging Parents
  Dear Fellow Employees,
  Blah blah blah blah. Seminar.  Blah blah.
  Signed,
  Some Guy."
  
  And of course I had this superpowerful desire to take that email and forward it to my friends after editing it to say something like:
  
  "Subject: Caring For Your Aging Parents
  Dear Fellow Employees,
  Euthanize your parents.
  Signed,
  Some Guy."
  
  But I didn't.  Because I'm scared of getting caught and getting fired.  I don't want to be put in a situation where I have to explain to my supervisor why it's funny to euthanize your parents.  They always spin it to where you look like the bad guy for making a great joke.
  
  I am running for Secretary of this organization at work.  If I'm not elected, I will be disappointed because it means I failed at a popularity contest where I'm inherently more popular than my competitors because my department has more people than theirs. 
  
  Also, I volunteered to be Floor Warden, which would make me responsible in case of a fire or other emergency.  Why? Glad you asked.  Fact: I'm the fastest, most athletic, most calm-under-pressure, most natural leaderistic, most emergency experienced, most superhero-esque worker on my floor.  I mean, who would you rather trust your life to in a harrowing situation than me?  Answer: No one. 
  
  
  
  Or maybe MacGyver.

  • 8:54 pm
  • 2 Comments