April 2, 2011

  • 10 Ways

    Everyone is always talking about the best way to kill a man. But, no one talks about the best way to help a man be happy. Here are some ways:

    1) Give him a lovely flower you picked.
    2) When you see him in the hall, pat him on the shoulder and say, "Keep up the good work, fella."
    3) If you see him at the vending machine, say "Looking for a snack, huh?"
    4) If you see him doing yardwork, come over and stand near, and say, "What kind of lawnmower is that? A Binford."
    5) Bring him a casserole you have extra of.
    6) If you see his dog roaming free and into your yard, call the dog catcher on it.
    7) If he asks you a question, tut and reply as if it's the stupidest question you've ever heard.
    8) If you find out he has a terminal disease, say something like, "Oh, well that's too bad, but you know..."
    9) Ask him about his car, pinpoint the component of his vehicle that is worse than yours, then attack.
    10) Ask him how much he paid for Item A. Upon hearing, suck in air while your teeth are clenched. Ask him his yearly salary and goad until he gives in, then reply "ouch".

    These tips are great.