May 9, 2011

  • Let's Get Dangerous

    Seriously, if I had been born just TWENTY YEARS earlier, have you the slightest idea how much different my life would be?

    I mean, okay, twenty years isn't that bad. In 1991, they had some pretty alright videogames. But online shopping? Pssh, what's that? Ipod? Here, try this tape deck on for size. Pornography? Go to the adult store and stand around with your hands in your pockets with the other whispy-mustached, greasy faced, freakshows with trenchcoats on.

    I go sometimes weeks without even touching cash. And you know what? I like it better that way.

    Here's what I don't like. That class of sub-$10-an-hour urchin that mans the cash register at most places. Look, there's nothing wrong with working a crappy job for little money. But just because you're bored, I don't want you spinning my credit card around like it's a yo-yo whenever I'm trying to pay for some beef jerky. It's your filthy paws that wear my magnetic strips down so quickly, which causes me more trouble with your register jockey brethren, and then eventually cause me to get a NEW CARD with NEW NUMBERS and then the freefall starts right over again.

    Just get hopped up on some illegal prescription drugs or the occasional pilfered powder-donut/Marlboro Light combo like the rest of us.

    Wait, my original point, I like to buy things online. Imagine having to find a store that had all the stuff I want? Well, I guess I could just look it up online... NO YOU CAN'T because in my hypothetical 20-years-ago scenario, online does not exist.

    I was going to go into something slightly more important, but I'm still not good at wordifying everything. That's for other people to do and post online.

    Addendum: Literally minutes after writing this, I noticed that the delivery dude had put a new package that I ordered online out on my porch. A fancy shampoo that Kroger stopped carrying because Kroger should never have been carrying fancy shampoos in the first place. See, that's service with a (presumed) smile.

    Addendum 2: I was going to write something really great but then I all of a sudden forgot it. Fix THAT, future.

    Addendum 3: I used to say and feel that life is about experience, but now I think that might be one of the more selfish things I've ever heard. I used to would have replied that all you have and are is yourself, so there's no such thing as selfish, but now I'd probably call that guy an asshole.