May 18, 2011

• We Need A Myth

  Funny thing. Check this out from September 24, 2008:

  "I dreamt my front tooth got chipped.  What a stupid dream."

  Lo and freaking behold. Less than three years later, my front tooth is kind of stupidly chipped. It looks like this:

  

  I was going to try out as Frankenstein in a local theatre production, but they said my teeth were too messed up. Even the prostitutes I frequent need an extra shot of whiskey before they'll take my 20 bucks. Look, I know, I've learned my lesson.

  Don't open packages of food, dvd cases, or safes with your teeth. Done. I won't, I promise.

  I had a great business idea today. It's related to keychains. Keychains are cool, I have quite a few. Most of them just adorn my backpack as souvenirs, but I have atleast a flash drive on my actual keys.

  But how about this:
  A keychain that is a glass vial containing a live sample of the Ebola Virus!

  You know, Ebola, aka The Black Death. The disease that killed a third of Europe and had everyone fearing walking skeletons from that point on.

  

  How sweet ass would that be? Or a keychain containing polio. Atleast we're all immune to that (I think?) A keychain of HIV (too soon?).

  

  Or how about a keychain that contains a capsule of cyanide? That way when someone is annoying you, you can just be like, "Look, I'm going to bite into my keychain of cyanide if you don't STFU." I don't recommend it as a pickup line, but awesome.

  They have condoms as keychains already, so consider that market of perverts pacified.

  

  Let me just say, last time I trusted someone with a condom from a keychain, it didn't end well. He might as well have just handed me his vial of keychain hepatitis C.

  • 8:22 pm
  • 1 Comment