June 8, 2012

  • More Thoughts

    I want to strangle every 4th or 5th baby that someone has. You know, that babies that are not taken care of and will become serial killers or drug abusers or medicare leaches. Life was never said to be fair, but I could design if a whole lot of a fuck better than whoever has so far. My baby had the most beautiful face and hair and I'm sure brain to match. It's 2012 and you can't fix that shit.

    They put on his office cause of death "Respiratory Failure". It's just a placeholder til his autopsy comes in. He was on ventilator and everything, so that's no respiratory failure. I want a one-on-one meeting with the doctor where I say, "You wanna see respiratory failure? Here ya go" and choke the life out of him.

    I know they have the jobs where your worst day ever is their regular day, but still. I want MORE. MORE MORE MORE. I want social security to give me money for life for dealing with this on the daily and not for someone with no money losing their 8th child to that prenatal alcohol syndrome thing.

    We did EVERYTHING. Everything medicine could provide. I'd give all my arms just for him to be with me right now and so I could watch him from my bed. I'd obviously give my life because that's easier than my arms.

    Jesus is the savior for a lot of people but I think they made a mistake designing him. People like Batman, Superman, Thor, Spiderman. Whoeever. Thor. People that FOUGHT against odds and just kept fighting until eventually going down. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid went down shooting.

    My stepdad when I was a child tortured me about blaspheming - said I'd go to hell forever. That literally stayed with me for a decade if not more. Don't fuck with kids, alright. It's not worth it. Not to anyone. Not for laughs. Not for anything.

    When my son was in the NICU, my dream was that he'd be ough to watch the first Cowboys game of the season with me. It's not happening. It should have happened. Modern medicine conditioned me to think it would. People's faces are bitten off by babboons and crack addicts and they turn out alright, but my baby on constant watch doesn't? Fuck you.

    I know doctors. I went to college too. They're nothing special. Just decided to coast through the tests in that particular major. But the results of their major are that much more cataclysmic.  It's more than painful. It's more than unfair. It's just UNRIGHT. This could would have done good for the world. Parents with SAT scores of 1460 & 1490 (old school scoring). Money to spare. Pure Love to give.

    This random ball of matter deserves some props for growing self-aware life, but it might have been better off just imploding.