I'm not better than I ever was, but obviously I know more.

I just think I'm a good person and can make things better.

It hurts sometimes. 

So many different paths of life.

Just like a shot in a basketball game, a single thought can change the direction of life.

It's always going to come to me, at different times.

Always.

I just wish everyone knew everything I want them to know.

But humanity doesn't work that way.

It can't, right now.

It doesn't want to. 

Videogames, you can set save points. 

Not in real life.

Biologically, I'm what I'd have always been.

My branch could have been different, much different.

And that's based on my own actions to a point. 

And that scares me.

I have 100% control of my life.

That's a lot of responsibility.

I picked my job 100% on gut instinct.

I could have done another, and a whole different path.

Parallel me could be better or worse.

There's a parallel me that grew up in Poland.

This shit mystifies me.

I just have to do the best with what I have IN FRONT of me.

I have to do that.

I owe it to the universe. 

Please.

Please.

Please.

P.S. - I'm sorry. 

I feel like Charles Bukowski, Tennessee Williams, and William Faulkner in a blender put on high spin.

I need to get out of this place. I'm not cut out for 60 hour work weeks for 10 months.

I may not even be cut out for 40 hour work weeks!

Uh oh. 

I want you to live forever.

I remember being in the back of a car once.

And Blur's "Country House" was playing. A lot of the best stuff happens when sleeping in the back of a car with parents driving. That's the safest someone can ever feel.