"The more things change, the more they suck the same" - Me

About a guy at work: "[Blank] is like a two year old. All I expect from him are shit and crying, and I just need to distract him enough to get some stuff done." - Me

About replacing a guy on your project. "You can give me Peyton Manning on my HS football team. There's only so much he can do right now if he doesn't know the plays."

There are more too. I've decided to express myself like this. Beats actual examples of actual work to get my point across. Apparently. From my anecdotal evidence.