January 28, 2011
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Alternate Timeline
There is an alternate timeline where my family never moved from Poland to the USA. IN FACT, this fact is probably true in 95% of the parallel universes. This is because like 95% of my Polish family didn't move to America. Ipso, facto.
Let's see. So I'd be 25.99 years old there. Would probably think in POLISH which is weird because it's not nearly as funny or expressive as English. I might have learned English by then. I'd probably be all like, "I wanna move to America or England ughhh, Poland sucks."
I wouldn't know any awesome indie bands like I do now. I'd probably be all into Christina Aguilera. Just singing "Genie in a bottle" over and over again in my head.
There is also a super high probability I'd be married with a kid by that point, due to the differences in culture, and the fact that America has driven me mental and implanted a "never satisfied" personality.
I would probably have a weird lame job with not a lot of pay, and my wife would be good at cooking and I'd come home and say stuff like, "So, what's for dinner? MMM goulash!." Then I'd play with the kid, read the newspaper, think stuff like, "This crossword is too easy." It would be weird indeed.
Alternate timelines are the best.
