I downloaded some programs to try to fix my computer. I've had it for almost 2 years.  I never really made it a home.  I don't organize anything on it. My work computer is impeccably organized. I think it's because I don't have a desk here. One day I should get a apartment that has a desk. Then I can work on my secret experimentations.

Work is cool. I'm nice and used to it. Going on three years in the same cube.

I haven't trained enough for the marathon probably. But I didn't train AT ALL for the MS150 bike race and that was fine. And I've done a marathon before so I'm sure it'll be alright.

I'm waiting for New Zealand to accept my immigration application.  Too bad I don't have a job there. I'd love to get some house on a beach and hang out there forever. Little threat of violence. Away from most of the stupid stuff that annoys me.  That'd be great. But we'll see what happens.

Then I could take cool pictures of animals and upload them to nationalgeographic.com everyday.  I deleted my facebook account because I hate logging on there.  The newsfeed is so boring.  I remember why I don't see most of these people.  Twitter is funner because when someone bores me, easy to delete. 

Twitter is pretty cool all around. A lot of idiots on there too but not so ubiquitous.

Another great thing about e-books I forgot to mention: the dictionary that's built in. I don't have to guess, skip words, or use context clues. Just look them up, and my vocabulary improves while I'm at it.  I should write some sort of awesome short story.

I started a tumblr account. I think I'll just use it to post comics that I draw. I can draw them at lunch at work. They can be about anything.

I wish I knew a bit more about computers or programming websites and the like. I know a lot of little things about subjects, but I should be expert at more.  I think I picked learning about stuff for a major pretty well. Engineering chemicals is a good gig.

I've been pretty busy lately.  I owned the domain www.sellyourspleen.com for A WHILE. It was originally redirected to my blog, but then last Sunday in a moment of reflection I decided to do something with my life so I got a host and got to work.

http://www.SellYourSpleen.com

It's amazing. I stuck ads all over it and thought I had hit the jackpot. I told friends to go to it and click the ads (against google adsense policy) and I raked in over 8, count 'em, 8 bucks in profit the first day.  Dollar signs were flashing in my eyes.

But since then, things have cooled down.  I've made something like 0 cents in the past few days.  They are too smart to let you keep clicking from the same computers or IP's or anything that doesn't seem legit.  Google is always one step ahead.

Oh well. Now they've atleast catalogued the site and it shows up when you search for sell and spleen.

We can build on this!

I got a Kindle for Christmas which is awesome.  E-books are the way things should be.  To think: books were invented by Steve Guttenberg circa the middle of the last millennium, and not much changed since then.  Sure, you could make them easier, but as far as the product goes: still words on pages. 

But alas, e-books are here now (or have been for the past few years only I am just getting them now so they are new to me) and it's time to embrace them! Books have knowledge and knowledge is power. Also, time equals money, and money equals power. So, do some algebra there and you'll find out that books equal money. Read books and get money.  Good by me.

Here are some Pros and Cons between using an e-book reader and traditional books.

Pro: You don't have to flip the pages.
Flipping pages is boring. It's like getting the "now loading" message on your favorite adult website. You don't want it. You hate it. Get on with the action!

Pro: Easier to read.
I tend to read long novels that have been translated from Russian, and since no one likes them, they try to save money by printing like 2,000 words per page.  My vision is good up close (and blurs to 20/400 far away) but even I have trouble sometimes.  E-books keep one good font size throughout, so no problems there.

Pro: Ease of getting books. 
When you enter a book store you will often notice old people, hipsters, and old hipsters.  Oftentimes they don't have jobs and only have enough money for the coffee they drink while reading, rather than any of the books themselves. So they sit there, don't shower, and ruin everything.  Not to mention that I vomit at the thought of not buying anything online, because I know I'm getting ripped off.  But even when you buy books online, you have to wait. And wait. Not anymore. DOWNLOAD. Zoom. Success.

Pro: Comfort.
Sometimes my arms start to hurt when I hold a book up reading it.  And my hands start to hurt. So I have to turn on my stomach to read, but then my back starts to hurt a bit. Granted, if I read in a chair, a lot of this would be alleviated, but Winston Churchill once said: "Why sit when you can lay?" So, an e-book is pretty light and comfortable and the not-having-to-turn-pages thing (see above) keeps my arthritis at bay.

Pro: No paper.
Sometimes the paper on a book is crappy.  And then my fingers don't like the feel.  Or the paper smells bad, like the book was printed in the Dust Bowl circa the Great Depression.  Summary: Mo' paper, Mo' problems.

Con: No trophy.
One thing people like about actual books is that they can stick them on the shelf later. Then their friends come over and they can say, "Yep, I've read all those." Translation: "Yes, I read books. Yes, I've read THOSE books. Pay special attention to the thick ones. Yes, I'm smart." You lose some of that when you just download the books. But, with social media (I hate that phrase), you can just list the books you read anyway. But, it's nice to see your intelligence in the form of a bookcase.

Con: No page numbers.
Okay, this may not be a con, and I may just haven't been able to figure it out yet.  But since the book is pretty zoomed into on the e-reader, there's no consistent page number that is translatable to an actual physical book.  And I like knowing how many pages I've read based on the consistent scale I've had for the past 20+ years of being literate.  I like to be able to say, "Yeah, Brothers Karamazov was over 700 pages. *yawn* I'm so smart." But with this medium, you don't get that so much.  Back in middle school, you'd get extra AR (Accelerated Reader) points for reading the thick books, so those teachers are the ones who made it an issue. It's not my fault! Repeat it to yourself: IT'S NOT MY FAULT!

Con: No firewood?
I don't know. There aren't too many cons.

I've only tried this one e-book reader, so I can't vouch for others.  I like that it simulates a real book experience by not being backlit (meaning a month of battery power on one charge).  Also, it's not a do-everything-but-do-it-all-mediocre device. It's there to read.  Not read and feed your NanoPet. Just read. The world may be better that way.  A device for everything and everything in its device.

I listen to my fair share of albums.  Why? Because music is cool.  It's fun to listen to at work.  And good to listen to while running.  And new music is especially interesting because you haven't heard it before.

I find the music I want to listen to in different ways.  Shows up on Pandora and I investigate.  Hear it on SiriusXMU.  Read reviews on pitchfork or metacritic.  Already like the band.  But it takes a pretty concentrated choice to decide to listen to a whole album.  It's got to have enough creedence on reviews (critical or otherwise) and I've got to be under the impression I'll probably like it.  Then I'll listen to it while working, or while running, or preferably both.  All the way through.  Sometimes I think, "That was amazing."  Others I think "That was alright,I might listen again." Or "That was alright, and I probably will forget it and never listen again." Or "I didn't like that. Don't like that kind of music.  Oh well, worth a shot."

In order of metacritic.com overall review, these are the albums I listened to that came out in 2010.  Hopefully I got them all.  Got all the important ones anyway.  All albums are given a grade by me to the right.

I didn't do any additional research on any of these.  All memory.

Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy A-
I don't always listen to rap, but when I do, it's sometimes Kanye West.  This album is good.  The lyrics are standard rap like.  The background production and that is well done.  I like the non-standard guest stars (Bon Iver).  A few tracks are worthy to call up on demand (Runaway, Lost in the World).

The Arcade Fire - The Suburbs A-
I liked this album.  It's not as good as the first Arcade Fire album.  Or maybe even the second.  Maybe because I think it's a bit too long.  Keep it succinct fellas.  I listened to it multiple times.

Deer Hunter - Halycon Digest B-
I don't remember much about this album.  I don't really like this kind of music.  I like catchy choruses.  Not really any hear.  But it didn't hurt me.

Twin Shadow - Forget C
I don't think I like this kind of music.  It's got lots of electro stuff and a guy singing in a high voice which isn't as relatable as other high voiced singers.  Yeah, it's just not relatable.  The best song is about castles in the snow and I've never really seen any of those.  I listened once to this while running.

The National - High Violet A
I was scared because this I love The National and when I first heard Bloodbuzz Ohio on the radio I wasn't overly impressed.  But it grew on me, and the rest of the album didn't need much growing.  "England" to me is the best song, and gave me goosebumps at the opening for probably the first 25 times I listened to it.  Seeing the songs performed live (within about 10 yards of the band) has forever cememented it as awesome to me.  Boxer is still best of the three to me PROBABLY, although some might argue this album is more compact and less waste (not that Boxer has any real waste).

Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Before Today F
I listened to this album one day while running and hated every second of it.  I finished it, but it was hard.  Would never listen again.  I definitely don't like this kind of music.

LCD Soundsystem - This Is Happening A
Yeah, I really liked this album.  It is strong throughout.  Drunk Girls is the single most heard which is throwaway while being perceptive at the same time.  "All I Want" is my favorite song on it. 

Sleigh Bells - Treats A-
This album was a real surprise because I liked it so much.  It pumped me up.  Doesn't fit into a genre.  I recommend, although my cube neighbor didn't like its loud noises.

The Walkmen - Lisbon B
Yeah this is a good album.  I could easily enjoy listening to it again.  In fact, I might.

Beach House - Teen Dream C
I listened to this today.  I didn't really like it. The voice of the female singer isn't very feminine so sort of scares me.

Titus Andronicus - The Monitor B-
Titus Andronicus is good for what it is.  It has cool quotes sprinkled in.  It's a bit too lo-fi for my taste. Doubt I'd listen again but maybe if I was in a weird mood.

Rory Erickson with Okkervil River - True Love Cast Out All Evil C+
I wanted to like this, but the lyrics weren't very relatable.  They're all like 1950's country style.  The singer's voice gets old. But it's okay I guess.

Vampire Weekend - Contra A
Yeah, this album is pretty great.  Really good sophomore album.  Good lyrics.  I Think Ur A Contra is a great song.  Altogether can't go wrong.

Avi Buffalo - Avi Buffalo B
This band (dude?) has a lot of potential.  I liked this and listened while running once.  It's good.

The Books - The Way Out B+
The Books are pretty much their own genre. It's the perfect music for sleeping on an airplane for me. If you like The Books, you'd like this I think.

Sufjan Stevens - The Age of Adz B-
Yeah, I think I like the folksy Sufjan Stevens more than this electro-version.  Not a huge fan.

Spoon - Transference B-
This album is very "orange".  Not really the verse-catchy chorus-verse formula I'd like from Spoon.  It was okay. I might give it another go.

Local Natives - Gorilla Manor A-
I saw this band live which colored this a certain way for me.  The more I listened, the more incredible it became.  Yeah, this is a really good CD for any time or occasion.

Field Music - Field Music (Measure) C+
I liked one song from this album "Them That Do Nothing" so I listened to it.  The rest was less good.  It's like a double album so takes longer.  I don't really like it that much I guess.

Blitzen Trapper - Destroyer of the Void B-
Yeah, this album is alright but a big step down from Furr.  But still alright.  Some decent stuff.

Wolf Parade - Expo 86 B-
This album is alright but a big step down from Apologies To The Queen Mary.  But still alright. Some decent stuff.

The Hold Steady - Heaven is Whenever B-
Yeah, The Hold Steady might have run out of tricks.  Definitely not as good as Stay Positive.  Not really a true recognizable single.  Sort of disappointing. Maybe deserves another listen.

Belle & Sebastian - Belle and Sebastian Write About Love B-
Belle & Sebastian has their own list in my iPod away from the rest of the albums.  This cd IS about love.  It's more well polished than their previous albums.  Maybe buffs out some of the passion? Not any standout hooks really either.  But alright.

Los Campesinos! - Romance is Boring B-
Los Campesino! put out like 3 albums a year.  And this one is pretty good.  Although, nothing out of the ordinary.  I mean, I'd rather listen to one of their other albums before this one.

The Morning Benders - Big Echo C+
This album got some good plug and it was fine.  There are a couple of good songs (Cold War being one). I don't know if it's a sign of great things to come. But probably not.

Broken Bells - Broken Bells C-
This guy should have stuck to a Shins album. It has one good song which gave me hope, but as a product together I'm not too impressed.  Again, if I didn't know he was wasting time that could have been spent on the Shins I might have given it more of a chance.

Band of Horses - Infinite Arms B
I guess it doesn't live up to the first two Band of Horses albums, but that doesn't mean it's terrible.  I enjoyed it a whole lot on my first listen.  Then the critics might have swayed me by not agreeing.  But nothing wrong with it.

Two Door Cinema Club - Tourist History B
This album comes with at least a couple of strong hits.  Pretty fun.  I enjoyed it.  It won't hurt anyone to listen.

P.S. - There were other albums I might have listened to under normal circumstances but the critical blasting they took led me not to bother.  This would include Kings of Leon, MGMT, Kid Rock.  No, not Kid Rock.  But maybe some others.  I'm too biased toward The Naitonal to award an album of the year, but metacritic is inherently unbiased and they'll list some: http://features.metacritic.com/features/2010/music-critic-top-ten-lists-best-of-2010/.

Lesson: I've lived by the rule lately to always be honest.  However, some people don't like that.  Who knew?  Oh well, you live you learn.  Just be honest but in a more tactile manner.  Done.

I need to think of something awesome stuff for Christmas.  The stuff I like, I already have: my phone, my car, my ps3, my ipod, some cool shoes.  And done.  So, I'll have to make up some stuff.  There are loads of electronics I like and cool inventions.

www.darkfingloves.com

www.gymygym.com

 
Is cool too.

I listened to the new Kanye West album twice today.  I usually hate it when quality coincides with popularity, especially when I'm under the impression that the popularity came first.  Well, there ya have it.

The longer I don't get the "move to England" for a while bug out of my system, the lamer it becomes.  It's often better to just do something and fail.  Like when I tried out for the Canadian national hockey team.  Not even close.

I like work better when I'm learning things, even if it means getting blasted and feeling like I don't know what I'm doing.  It's funner that way. 

Public executions were okay back in history, but not now? Why not? Wasn't it a good deterrent?  I think the wikileaks people should get publicly executed.  I'm all for Totalitarianism. 

There should be an age when someone dies when we can just say "Alright."  I like highlight tributes and that, but still.  It'd be better if a person could say, "Okay, I'm getting old and will die next week, please run some tributes and talk about me so I can go out happy." 

I think most of my theories could work (and work well) in an alternate universe where I'm in charge.  But people would have to be banned from complaining.  In fact, that's step one.

I'm glad I got a view of the time before cell phones, internet, etc.  Granted I only got up to around 12 years old before it blew up, but it still counts for appreciation. 

Went to see Harry Potter after having seen none of the movies and knowing nothing of the plot.  I felt almost as confused as I do at work when I don't know what I'm doing.  Kids these days have always had their cell phones and internet and the like, it's depressing.  Texting friends at the movies.  Wearing stupid clothes. 

Thanksgiving week should be fun with no around at work. 

They should make a channel that shows old shows and old commercials.  How many commercials these days aren't somehow technology related.  They usually feature computers, or fancy gadgets, or something else.  Just saw a Fidelity commercial right after some commercial for something that I forgot, and now it's an Audi commercial about progress. 

I'm ready to eliminate some jobs.  But it will take some time.  A lot of old people need to die off first so that the people used to technology can be leading the world.  All self-checkout.  All online purchases.  Etc. Etc.

I need to embrace the virtual book reader thing.  Flipping through 750 pages of The Brothers Karamazov is taxing.  And I'd like the glossary notes to be built in so I don't have to go to the back.  I'll look into it.

We do a lot of "what ifs" at work.  It's good because it's fun, gets you thinking, gets the imagination and creativity going, and increases office morale.  Atleast for my cube neighbor and I, who are the ones taking part.  A recent one I liked was, "If you had to wear Darth Vader's mask for the rest of your life, but you got 50 million dollars, would you do it?"  I always err on the side of "yes" when it comes to the money ones.  And my cube neighbor goes for the side of more practical. 

Like he said he wouldn't sell his kidney for 10 million, but would give his kidney to a relative.  So I use the simple logic that 10 million dollars is worth more than the life of a relative, so he wasn't making any sense.  Checkmate.

One's we got around to the question of "If you could have any superpower, what would it be?"  I decided to be unique, and I went with the power that you could think of anyone, and make them die that instant.  Then it's up to me to prove the worth of that power.  See a criminal on TV escaping from the cops? Thought-power activate. Dead.  Crisis averted.  I quite liked it. 

You could even do stuff like think about "Osama Bin Laden", then boom, he's dead.  See, pretty nice.  Then he used a retort that was something like, "Yeah, but you get mad a lot at work so people would be dying all the time." And I was like, "Yes, that's part of the great struggle of the power."  See, you can't take it back; it sticks right there.

So I got to thinking more, and how cool it would be if a kid had this power, and his teachers kept dying and he didn't know why, but eventually he figured out that he had it.  And then he has some moral dilemma where he gets mad once and kills someone he loves.  So he's walking the thin line(s) between dementia, self-hate, redemption, all that.  Good story yeah?  I'll get around to it one day.

Another power I'd like to have that I thought of just now was to put myself into my own past for 5 minute intervals (because there has to be limits).  I've been in situations before where I had no idea how I was acting there or being there or not in awe or shock, but since you're in the moment, you just carry on and don't notice.  This doesn't have to be life altering stuff, either.  It can just be sitting in an ex-girlfriend's house (one you haven't spoken to in years), and watching TV.  That was YOU, there in that moment, oblivious to it in the context of your life.  Like a bubble blown out of time. 

It'd just be interesting for me to zoom back there knowing all there is to know since.  Nothing to change, but maybe more time to relish.  Or at least take a step back and grasp. 

Smells will hit me hard occasionally and give me a feeling similar to that, apart from the actual living.  Or a dream. Anything like that.  I know that five years from now I'll feel the seem nostalgia to my life now.  I accept that and all I can tell myself is, "Hey, you've been taking it moment by moment for a long time now.  You did before me, and you will after me."  Problem with the moment is that it's susceptible to moods and emotions.  So you gotta try your best to feed in context sometimes, or if you feel your emotions are helping you (like, damn, I need to get shit done today, good think I'm in a go-get-'em kinda mood), then just harness that and ride.

Or wasps. 

I'd like to mark this as the day that I got stung by a wasp.  It was terrifying.  A perfect storm of events led up to it, including my Clint Eastwood Halloween costume.  I guess you have to pay a price to look cool.

I had to order loads of different accessories from a few different places (including shipping the poncho from England because all US vendors were out).  One of the most important items was the hat, and I ordered one from eBay.

So, FedEx delivered my hat yesterday, but I was gone.  So I left a note that was like, "just leave it on the patio".  It's behind some bushes and whatnot, so I figured no suckers would steal my valuables.

So I get home, see it out there and think, "Yay!"  So I go out to get it, and I bring it inside.  All of a sudden I hear a buzzing and feel something crawling on my skin.  I go mental and start flailing around.  Apparently some beast (or beasts) had snuck in with me. 

All of a sudden, I feel it.  STING! Right on my neck in the throatish area.  I let out a scream. The rest if sort of a blur.  I rip my shirt off and start looking around and see that there's just one wasp and he's flying around in the air.  I give him a good whack with my shirt and he hits the carpet.  Whack! Whack again! He's still conscious!  But dazed enough for me to go get some ammo. 

So I run and get some Raid and douse him.  He doesn't like it and can't fly anymore.  Then I throw him in the toilet and send him to a watery demise. 

The sting hurt pretty bad.  I was scared that I'd die like Macaulay Culkin in My Girl (spoiler alert).  Within a few minutes, I realized I probably wasn't allergic and should survive.  And I did.  But not without this wound.

It got pretty red and stingy.  But the circle is sort of aesthetically pleasing. 

The wasp was a brown bastard like this:

I've already had a fear of wasp from when I was around 4 and my stepdad used to like to torture me.  A harmless dirt dobber had gotten in the trailer, and my stepdad told me it was a wasp and kept running from room to room locking me with it.  Then he pretended that he was stung in the eyes and blinded.  He told me to get the broom and take care of the wasp, and that it was "up to me."  It's situations like that that looking back, might have made mental. 

But 20+ years later, fate played this cruel trick on me.  It was hard to swallow for a while.  Maybe that's the sting itself or the sting being on my throat.  I bought a videogame to cheer myself up. This is my life.

It's been 2.5 years of the post-college life and it's hard to give it a grade right now.  I still haven't felt "at home".  Not even for a second. I was used to flux before, and I feel like I'm still in flux now.  But what's worse is that instead of running forward, I'm more like running in place.

Clearly not the same short and medium term benchmarks now that were available while making my way through academics.  Progression in any facet of life now really comes down to my opinion, my choices, my mindset, and my mind is a wavering one.

I'm not sure if I'm even getting better everyday.  In fact, I'm pretty sure I'm not.  Without getting too much into it, my professional year has been pretty much a wash, glints of notoriety notwithstanding. 

I'm privileged to have the opportunity to go on vacations and share in fun when available, but those memories do little for me on Sunday evenings.  I'm getting older physically, and mentally, I'm getting even more rough around the edges.  I still have those moments when I can evoke that childlike happy-go-lucky joy from my heart, though.  Laughing uncontrollably just from saying "you're a fancy boy" with a weird accent. 

What do I need now to go forward, though?  Your choices are slim, and also, pretty difficult to get through the door on.  I'm about to release on this apartment which will put my total stay here at 3+ years when all is said and done.  Maybe next year I'll be closer to some climax, turning-point, whatever.  But I don't know if that's really what I want.  I'm pretty fine with my day to day.  Just taking a step back and looking at it though, the progress isn't there.  But maybe I put in enough heavy lifting early to be able to just gestate more now. 

I'm sure it's not an uncommon feeling for a lad my age.  Or a lass.  Sunday evenings hit just as brutal as they did in 1995 when I had Pamela Anderson as the wallpaper on our Apple computer.  Now I have a LOST wallpaper that I'm too lazy to change (though I do still change my WORK wallpaper on the DAILY). 

Tomorrow is year seven of having this blog, though it's suffered lately as maturation evidently transforms motivation into just being jaded.  Also, because I've made comments on most of the stuff in the world that bothers me already.  And, like I've written above, not much progress to report on.

Maybe one day, I'll come on with something like, "Yeah, transferring to a job in ____. Should be lots to talk about." Or, "Decided to settle down and get a house. Plenty of backyard for a trampoline." Or, "Accidently knocked up ____. Uh oh." Or, "Fired.  Working as a waiter. Going back to community college."  Because regression is progress's funny, but evil cousin.